I gave it a shot. Even knowing the odds were a million to 1 or worse that it could possibly be any good, I gave it a shot....
The original The Wicker Man is a good movie. Entertaining, atmospheric, and intelligent, it tackles some unique themes that perhaps are as relevant today as they were during its orginal release. I wouldn't go as far as calling it great. A B-movie classic, maybe. Even an important, if somewhat minor, benchmark in the horror genre. And, hell, it's got Christopher Lee, as Lord Summerisle, at his aristocratic best.
The remake is none of those things. And Ellen Burstyn (Lady Summersisle) is no Christopher Lee.
With Neil LaBute in the director's seat, I held out a sliver of a chance for the movie to be at least interesting if not good. I've seen a couple of LaBute's other movies and read some of his short fiction. It's not really to my taste. He writes nasty stuff. Unlikable people doing detestable things and treating each other badly. But he's got an unmistakable voice, and I was curious to see how that might manifest in a horror movie.
But apparently LaBute decided to play this one by the Hollywood numbers with a script that barely qualifies as fit for direct-to-DVD filler. In fact it's quite typical of what passes for horror in Hollywood among people who don't know or understand the genre (which seems to be most major studios, their scriptwriters, and the majority of big name movie stars).
Deviating from the original only to capitalize on every opportunity to dumb down, sanitize, or otherwise diminish the original story, there's nothing unique or distinctive onscreen here. Nicolas Cage overacts. Burstyn struggles to let us know she actually has a pulse. And a ham-handed metaphor involving bees and sexism replaces the original's creeping sense of dread, which was born of a much deeper and more primal cultural and religious conflict.
The final image of Cage trapped and screaming in the burning wicker man aptly captures just how I felt when the credits began to roll.
I wished I could pull the disc from my player and chuck it on the flames...
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